3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
