I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
