I cockslap morals
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
