I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
