ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize