He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
