Where did you get a picture of my penis
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
