I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
