Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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