I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
