bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
