im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize