You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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