Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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