Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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