Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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