I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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