i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
