She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
