Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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