Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We need to rekindle our bromance
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
