He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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