I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
