porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
