sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
