dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
