I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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