Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
