im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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