Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
