Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
