loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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