I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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