flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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