I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize