Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
