My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
