i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
