dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
