I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
