Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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