he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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