I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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