No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
