Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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