I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
