I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
