Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
