She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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