I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
