There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
