the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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