found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones