Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
