OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
