Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
